Good Manners - Arrogance

Arrogant people are lucky enough to be thick-skinned, brandishing their own certainty and lack of self-doubt or humility as they ride roughshod over the petty issues of other, lesser mortals.

The innate self-belief of the arrogant is transmuted into a conviction of superiority, and a fatal inability to ever admit a mistake. Arrogant people are undoubtedly resilient; their ability to remain unbowed, cantering through life without a care about the effects of their actions on those around them, can be quite awe-inspiring, but the effect of arrogance is distinctly undesirable. 

Good Manners – Know-alls

We all know one of these – someone who believes that they possess a superior intellect and wealth of knowledge, and who shows a determination to demonstrate that superiority at every opportunity. In a world where knowledge is power, the know-alls should be ruling the planet.

Yet it seems to be one of those truisms, that the more know-all someone is, the further they are from actually running things. After all, if they knew it all, they would know that it’s the worst sort of rudeness to let everyone else hear about it. 

Good Manners - When to use First Names?

The days when men referred to each other by their surnames, when office hierarchies were minutely calibrated by the use of the prefix ‘Mr’ or ‘Miss’ are long gone. Informality is the order of the day and first names are becoming increasingly common. Yet older people may find the instant adoption of the first name disconcertingly overfamiliar. It’s an etiquette dilemma.

The use – or not – of first names is, primarily, generational; the older you are, the more you think it natural to be Mr, Mrs or Miss; the younger you are, the more unimaginable this seems. At some point in the middle, you come to expect your title and surname in your dealings with professional people: when seeing a doctor, a lawyer or the head-teacher at your child’s school. But there’s a struggle for many in being called Mrs X by their cleaner or by their children’s friends because of the automatic formality that it seems to generate.

Children's Etiquette - The Well Brought-Up Child

The well brought-up child is the holy grail of every parent. The very phrase conjures up images of Victorian rectitude, a captivating mixture of demure deference and quirky charm, all wrapped in a cloak of impeccably 
good manners.



Alas, the reality can seem very different. Boisterous, excited, brimful of anarchic energy, our own kids tear 
through our lives in a barely containable blur. All too often children can seem to be little more than monstrous egos - desperate for attention, greedy for treats and affection, impatient of any attempts to contain them. They are truly a wonder of nature - but can they actually be house-trained?

Good Manners - Cancelling

In this time-starved age, one of the rudest things we can do is to assume that someone else’s time is not as precious as platinum. If you cancel an engagement, remember that you are wasting the other person’s carefully apportioned time and apologies are definitely in order.

The traditional rule of thumb for acceptable reasons for cancellation was restricted to a death in the family or a medical emergency. Nowadays, that has relaxed a little but cancelling is all about timing. If you give more than a month’s notice you’re beyond reproach. Depending on the formality of the event, more than a week’s notice should still be perfectly acceptable. Once you are less than a week away from your engagement every day counts, and a sliding scale comes into effect; 48 hours and under requires excuses and apologies. You’re going to need a very good excuse indeed if you pull out on the same day, and failing to turn up altogether is beyond the pale. Friendships have been known to founder on such cavalier behaviour.

Good Manners - Bores

The ennui that you experience when you are forced to listen to a boring conversation can be quite excruciating. But you must at all costs disguise, or dispense with, the physical manifestations of boredom – yawning, watering eyes, a fixed and glazed look, frequent glances at your watch, a tendency to cast your eyes around the room looking for an escape route.

If you have suffered from boredom yourself, you should be all too aware of the manifestations of boredom in others. Never risk being a bore by following these rules: listen to what people have to say; react to their conversation; ask questions; only hold forth if you are invited to; keep your obsessions to yourself; never lecture or harangue. Above 
all, be aware that a proper conversation requires the full participation of at least two people.

Good Manners - Apologising

Always proffer a sincere apology when your actions have had a negative impact on other people. You may not fully understand why someone is so upset, or feel that they are over-reacting or playing the martyr, but it is easier all round if you can respect their feelings, and accept that your actions – for whatever reason – are the root of the problem. Don’t pass the buck, or use your apology as a way of blaming someone else. Take full responsibility for your actions.

Personal Etiquette - Good Impressions

Your first encounter with anyone involves the lightning-fast sifting of a battery of first impressions. These will range from the obvious - appearance, voice, handshake, eye contact - to the subtle and barely acknowledged - deportment, body language, facial expressions. But you can be sure that, just as you make hundreds of these judgements every day, so you yourself are being assessed and judged. So ensure that you are not found wanting.

The signs of creepiness are indisputable and universally acknowledged: standing too close, touching strangers too frequently, inability to make eye contact, sweaty and limp handshakes, lack of facial expressions. But conversely, over-compensation can be equally unsettling; over-exaggerated facial reactions, laser-like eye contact and vigorous hand-pumping will only disconcert.

Office Etiquette – Being the Boss

Just because you're the boss doesn't mean your subordinates have to respect you. But they're more likely to do so if you don't patronise them.

 Don't boast: it might make you feel big to regale underlings with tales of your high-flying exploits - boardroom battles, career triumphs, big bucks, business accolades - but they'll just see you as a sad workhorse who doesn't have a life.

Good Manners - Swearing

Nobody can deny that certain august establishments or particularly severe personages can fill one with the giddy and vertiginious desire to swear, just for the hell of it, just to bring some life to the buttoned-up souls around you. As the swear word leaves your lips, it may be an almost tangible speech bubble of energy but the trouble is that as it reaches the ears of your listeners, it has weakened into a foul little puff of pestilence.

A conversation peppered with meaningless curses is one where both sense and expressive language is being diluted – how can you expect someone to respect what you are saying if you are distracting them with irrelevant swear words?

Office Etiquette - Jargon

Yes, we all have 'issues' with jargon; let's all be proactive about the way we interface, give it some face-time, run it up the flagpole and kick the tires, then come up with a value-proposition that really shows we're tasked with thinking the unthinkable . . . and so on.



At the end of the day, it all comes down to what you bring to the table. Isn't it time we closed the circle and concentrated on our core competencies? We need to build a soup to nuts solution, and that means rolling out a seamless paradigm shift. With a world-class approach, and the right synergy, we can take it to the next level. It's win-win. So why should you need to think outside the box?

Romantic Etiquette - Dating

Excruciatingly embarrassing, terminally tedious or erotically charged, dates are the currency 
of romantic life, the oil that keeps the wheels in motion. No matter how much you procrastinate - flirting in cyberspace, seductive phone chats, emailed inanities - you will have to face the
 horrible truth at some point; without a face-to-face meeting your relationship is going precisely nowhere.



You're probably wise to bite the bullet and arrange to meet sooner rather than later - ultimately it saves a great deal of time. Dates can be instant passion-killers or they can inflame your senses and ignite an obsession.


Personal Etiquette - Chivalry

It is an incontrovertible fact that you can be impeccably punctilious about all the trappings of manners - opening doors, pulling out chairs, walking on the roadside edge of pavements etc.
 - but still be appallingly rude.



The 'chivalrous' gent who leaps to his feet as a woman enters the room may still be a loud-mouthed monomaniac who thinks nothing of shouting at his subordinates. The 'generous'
 host who smilingly picks up the check for the lavish meal can still make his guests feel small by belittling their choices and belabouring them with his so-called wine expertise. Chivalry is not necessarily a failsafe measure of manners.

Good Manners - Bonfire Night

In danger of becoming eclipsed by Halloween, Bonfire Night is a very English commemoration of the gunpowder plot, which can range from letting off a few fireworks in the back garden to attending an all-singing, all-dancing professional firework display.

Many people feel inclined to leave the pyrotechnics to the professionals, restricting themselves – and their kids – to the comparatively tame pleasures of sparklers. But if you’re going to eschew the laid-on entertainment, and feel inclined to recapture those thrilling November evenings of childhood, follow a few simple rules.

Online Etiquette - Internet Dating

The weird world of online dating is a virtual shop window, where you can inspect the goodies within from a safe distance, before steeling yourself to venture within. But you must remember that, fun as this is, things can’t stay virtual forever. Eventually (unless you’re a real cyber-tease) you will have to take your flirtation into the world, and that’s where the trouble really starts.

Everyone reinvents themselves online, especially in a situation where they are ‘selling’ their attributes to strangers, but don't overdo it. The crestfallen look on your date’s face when you make your entrance is a lesson you’ll never forget. So, post a recent photograph, and don’t exaggerate.